oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
