I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize