The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
