Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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