Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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