dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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