I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
