oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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