a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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