I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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