brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
