I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
