Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
