u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
