who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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