we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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