I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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