phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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