There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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