some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
