I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
