The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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