You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
