My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
