We're facebook friends in real life
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
