I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
