I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to be your penis for a week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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