Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dick has a subreddit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
