the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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