you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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