i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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