what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
