My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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