ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
