I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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