the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
