I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
