walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
