Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
