what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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