I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize