I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
