Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
