i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
