I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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