she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
