Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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