I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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