WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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