So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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