4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
