Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
