my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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