i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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