But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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