Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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