I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
