I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
