Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hate all girls vehemently.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
