dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
