yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
