He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
