I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
