Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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