her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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