I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
