apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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