It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
