you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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